I am an Inadequate Homeschooler

I am an Inadequate HomeSchooler
I am the 2 inch tall mom in the support group of giants.
I am the mom that tries so hard to help my child catch up to grade level while others are talking about college at 12.
I am the mom that can’t sit through an entire homeschooling workshop because I choke up in tears.
I am the mom that has a twice exceptional child that is able to go to college at 12 intellectually, but her autism makes her so vulnerable it wouldn’t be safe.
I am that mom in the wheelchair not able to drive. Reading the adventures of my friends on FaceBook thinking what great homeschoolers they are. Then comparing them to the simple home adventures we have that I feel can’t possibly measure up.
I am inadequate as a homeschooler.
I am in inadequate as a mother.
Some how along the way my worth as a woman, wife, mother, and homeschooler has become tangled into my child’s accomplishments. If my daughter gets a C in algebra it’s my fault that I didn’t teach her well enough.  If my son regresses mentally due to his illness, I still feel the sting of the end of the year evaluation that is not at grade level or even at the level he was at last year. I have equated my worth as a person in direct connection to my child’s abilities and accomplishments.
What a burden….. for my children! Children and teens aren’t dumb they often figure out my feelings through my anxiety at their testing or evaluations. Even my children that are mentally challenged feel there is something amiss and act out during evaluation time of year or when I get uptight about our lack of progress.
What a burden… for me! I can’t and shouldn’t’ live my life  through my lovely children. I should be a learning guide and teacher. I should not take upon myself the advancement or lack of advancement. I am supportive and ever-present to encourage my children but I need to keep clear that I already have an education. I am helping my child to receive theirs now to the best of their ability. If the Lord has not placed in that child the ability to advance past middle elementary than I need to come to peace with that and follow the Lord’s lead not my own path or the path culture screams at me to take from every direction.
Happiness on the Farm
Am I an inadequate homeschooler?
No. I am working hard and doing everything that is recommend while pushing my child to greater heights than I believe they would be encouraged to in the public school. I am thinking out of the box. Getting therapy when needed and even considering therapies like equine therapy, music therapy, and others. I work hard everyday to encourage progress in each child the Lord has blessed me with. Homeschool my children to the best of their ability.
Am I an inadequate mother?
No. The Lord made my family. The Lord gave me my husband through wonderful and odd circumstances. The Lord saw each pregnancy through even when things looked very bleak for a couple of them. The Lord has placed this responsibility and wonder and LOVE in my life.
After a recent stay in the hospital when I came home I was showered with hugs, kisses, and love. I have to think this is a sign of the pure and wonderful love we have for each other.
I am a good mom.
I might not be the mom that is the awesome crafty mom, the foodie mom, or the mom that has her children in several sports all year round. Part of me sighs and misses the dreams I had before the kids and I became so sick. In the end I am left with reality and I will make the most of it!
I am an awesome homeschooler!
I am an awesome mother!
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26
Write this scripture on the inside of your planner, somewhere where you will see them everyday. Those days that are great you can smile and move on. Then the days that are tough and bring you to the edge of your nerves you can read these cards and pray over them.
You and I are doing a great job! We care for our children better than anyone else in the world. We are more invested in their life and dreams of the future than anyone else in the world. We are the guide in this wonderful journey. I am excited to walk the path with you supporting, encouraging, and edifying each other as we go along.
Chris and Heather are a husband and wife team fired up to help and encourage family homeschooling and dealing
with special needs. They are blessed with 5 children and 3 angels. The children and Heather have a genetic
disease called mitochondrial disease that gives them medical and learning disability to work with. They are
uniquely trained through life experience to help other special needs families! You can find Chris and Heather at Special Needs Homeschooling , or Laurie Family Ministries and their attached Facebook pages that are very active with questions and answers for many!