Strengthen Your Family Through Biblical Homeschooling

Tag: #NOSHAVENOVEMBER

New Curriculum – Same Teacher?

During the 2018 Teach Them Diligently conventions across the southeast, I was given the privilege to speak to men about homeschooling. Yet during this time, I was curious about what other dads were thinking and struggling within the homeschool life. Well, they wrote down some questions and I told them I would answer them. They cover all kinds of subjects and areas, so get ready for “Answers from the Husband of a Homeschooling Mom”

Today the question comes from Keith! This can be a tricky and potentially dangerous answer, but let’s go for it.

“How do I handle disagreements with the wife on the curriculum?  For example, the current curriculum isn’t working, but it’s what my wife is comfortable or familiar with.  But it doesn’t match my daughter’s learning style.”

Keith, buckle in brother because this is going to be a wild ride for you.  

Pray

When there is any time that we as men think that we are right and the wife is wrong, we should take our thoughts to God and pray.  We may be right, they may be right, or we both may be totally wrong. So Keith, step one is to pray. Pray for God to reveal the right direction to both of you.

Talk to Your Wife

Keith, one of the smartest things I did was take my wife off on a curriculum planning day.  We took our ideas, papers, books out to a state park along with a lunch and we talked. She presented ideas on how the day should go, I countered with my thoughts.  Curriculums were tossed about on which one may and may not work. Which ones were more affordable and which ones were just so in-depth that it would cause confusion.  There were no kids there to watch, listen out for, or to attend to. It was a time where the two of us got together and LISTENED to each other.  This gives you both a chance to voice your opinion on how to make your homeschooling work.

Trial Run

Here is where your words turn to actions.  If you believe that there needs to be a different curriculum, purchase it and YOU take over that subject.  Some companies will allow you to purchase a one month trial or have a mid-year (start-over) discount. You may be right that your wife is comfortable with what she is doing.  She may have a great understanding of what is expected and what to expect from your daughter. You taking that subject over and demonstrating how to do it and showing it in action may alleviate some stress from your wife in possibly swapping over to a different curriculum.  However, it may also let you see that the problem may not be the wife or the curriculum. There is the chance that your daughter just does not care at this time to learn anything about that subject. Not bashing your daughter, just speaking fact. There are times in kids life when they just refuse to cooperate with anyone on some items.  

Evaluate

When the trial period is over, sit down and have a discussion with your wife.  Explain what worked for you and what did not. Ask her what her thoughts were on the way it was done.  See if her opinion of the curriculum has changed or has remained the same. Just be prepared that you Keith, may now be the teacher for this subject!  If that is the case, hold that head up high and be the teacher! Take that subject and stress off of your wife. More men should get involved with their family in homeschooling so they are more aware of issues just like this.  This may require for you to adjust your schedule with work. Currently, with one of my boys, I am doing something similar trying to help with focus in the mornings. Just be prepared to be the man but not the dictator.

 

Men, if you are going through something similar, let’s hear about it.  It is nice to know that you are not alone on the battlefield of homeschooling!

 

Till next time…

I’m just a Husband of a Homeschooling Mom,

Steve Blackston

I would love to see you and your family at Teach Them Diligently 2019. If you register this month, during No Shave November and use discount code NOSHAVE10, you’ll get a great deal. Find the event closest to you by clicking here.

Be sure to check out all the articles in our #NOSHAVENOVEMBER Series for Dads by clicking here.

Register for the Homeschool Convention Today

When we were younger Leslie and I helped out in a youth group at our church. Honestly, there was no better training for being a parent than working within this youth group.

The youth group consisted of roughly 60 young people from middle school to high school. As young parents who had babies at this time, we were able to see this varied collection of teens from different homes influenced by different cultures, parenting styles and education choices.

The one consistency in this group, just as can be found in any group, was imperfection. Dealing with people is often messy!

Once I was sitting in the back of the sanctuary with a young man from the youth group when his father walked up to him and started yelling. His father was upset because his son had worn athletic shoes with his nice slacks to church. Apparently, before they left home his dad had already told him to wear something nicer, and the young man had defied his dad. Whether you think this is a crazy request from the father or not, is not the point. This young man was in the open and apparently there was more going on between them than just a disagreement over shoes. This young man already had a problem with bitterness toward his father, and his father was just exasperating the bitterness through his reaction to his son’s defiance.

We’ll get to that most important word shortly, but first…

Provoking our Children to Wrath

InEphesians 5, scripture makes a big deal about provoking your children to anger or wrath. Think about this…of all the things Paul could have referenced under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, he points to provoking your children to wrath.  I think that tells us a lot about not only the potential power anger has over our children, but also the tendencies of fathers and their children.

Paul knew that anger in the home has the potential to allow bitterness to enter the hearts of mothers, fathers, and children. There is nothing more powerful in ripping a family apart or even separating a person from God the Father than anger and bitterness. The Holy Spirit directed Paul to write this verse in Ephesians because He understood the tendency in our sin to sway into anger.

And, I am not talking about short-term anger like being upset when children spill drinks on nice furniture, or even when they miss a curfew or fail a test.

I am talking about the kind of anger that develops into rage or violence or grudges or bitterness.

This is the kind of anger that people hold onto. 

Quick story, Once my oldest was arguing a little with his mother over something he had done. When I heard him argue I became very upset. I don’t even remember what I said or he said; but I remember he was defending himself, and I perceived it as being disrespectful to his mother.

I walked into the room and told him what I thought of what he had done to draw the scolding from his mother, and I also told him to stop defending himself.  I did this with a raised voice.  At that point, he stopped talking, stuck his jaw out, dropped his head, and sat on his bed.  Then, as he was looking down, I told him how I felt about his attitude and how he should never do it again. The next thing I know tears started to show.

After I saw the tears, I backed off and walked out of the room.

I left him in his room for a little while so we both could cool down. Shortly thereafter, I came back into his room and apologized. I didn’t justify it or tell him what he did wrong at this point at all.  I just fell on the sword. I told him that I was very sorry for raising my voice in a way that tore him down.  I made sure to ask him to forgive me, which is very important.

The reason I did this was because I knew that it was the way forward. God talks about forgiveness not just because it releases the wrong-doer but also because it releases the one that is wronged. Sometimes saying sorry is the best way forward.

In parenting you are going to mess up. You are not going to handle every punishment and circumstances with perfect consistency, justice, the right measure of grace, and wisdom. But, to allow any level of anger or bitterness to rise up and develop into a breach in the relationship with your children will make it impossible to reach them…to disciple…to mentor…and to direct them. If your children are holding onto anger or bitterness, it does not matter if you feel like you are right, you need to resolve that. Sometimes the only way forward is to humble yourself and say sorry for your reactions.

That is why SORRY is one of the most important words in discipling your children. You will make mistakes, guaranteed! Don’t think it undermines any level of your authority by saying sorry.

Let me help you a little more on this! What I apologized for with my son was losing my temper and yelling in anger at him in such a way that it diminished him. What the father in the case with his son’s shoes could have done is say sorry to his son for yelling at him in front of everyone and embarrassing him.

Think about Ephesians 5 again…what is going to provoke your children to wrath? Make a list…what is it that could be a source of anger for your son or daughter?

  • injustice or unjustified response
  • inconsistency in applying rules
  • choosing something over them
  • embarrassing them and diminishing them
  • withholding love from them
  • misdirected anger landing on them

Keep going! Think about the root causes of any anger that might be in your children. Dig deep!!

These are the kinds of things you should apologize for.

Okay! Now replace the phrase in Ephesian 5 with one of the phrases above.

Fathers…do not withhold love from your children
Fathers…do not embarrass your children or diminish them
Fathers…do not allow the stresses of life to be misdirected into anger on your children

Do those things make sense? I think that is a good test of something you may want to apologize and clear up with your children.

Now, try that experiment on these statements…

Fathers…do not defend your wife when she is being disrespected by your children
Fathers…do not withhold the car when your child failed a test
Fathers…allow your sons to have girls over to the house without adult supervision

Those don’t make sense do they in the context of Ephesians 5?…Therefore, don’t apologize for those things.

For being focused on a single word, this is a long article. Therefore, I think it is time to move on.

We at Teach Them Diligently see our mission as encouraging you to seize the role God has for you and help you precede with greater confidence as a servant of Christ. We truly do believe that homeschooling when done Biblically will strengthen your family in Christ. Through our media and our events, we endeavor to give you resources to encourage and help you on your way. One such resource I would highly recommend is Leslie’s book on discipleship parenting: Teach Them Diligently, Raising Children of Promise. In it, she walks through what the Bible says about parenting… and there’s a LOT of instruction and insight straight from God’s Word in there. Won’t you pick up a copy today? I truly believe it will be a great help to you and your family.

I also sincerely encourage you to join us next Spring for one of our events. You will not find another conference that focuses so intently on helping you strengthen your relationship with your children and with your God through Biblical homeschooling. You really do need this!

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Sincerely,

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P.S. If you are reading this and have already registered, invite a friend or family member.  The truth is that if they are not homeschoolers or even considering homeschooling, they could still benefit largely from the vision of these events. Need more info about the referral program. Click Here

P.P.S: There is a whole series of posts specific to homeschool dads. I would encourage you to check them out. Click here.

Register for the Homeschool Convention Today

During the 2018 Teach Them Diligently conventions across the southeast, I was given the privilege to speak to men about homeschooling. Yet during this time, I was curious about what other dads were thinking and struggling within the homeschool life. Well, they wrote down some questions and I told them I would answer them. They cover all kinds of subjects and areas, so get ready for “Answers from the Husband of a Homeschooling Mom”

Today’s two questions come from Kevin and Nathan! I am putting these together because they both deal with helping the wife.

How do we help our wife avoid feeling overwhelmed?

How can you encourage your wife and diffuse negative emotions without making her feel ignored?

Listen

The way that I have found to encourage my wife and attempt to diffuse negative emotions is rather hard for most men. It requires us to listen to our wives. Not just hear them but listen to them and what they are saying. Then we must simply let them talk it out. I have said in my talks that there needs to be a point where the men simply listen and not try to solve everything as she is talking. Sometimes people just want to release the steam or stress of the day and they are not looking for immediate solutions. But men hear of a problem and do what they can to fix it.

Pray!

Men, before you open your mouth, pray. Pray for your wife. Pray for your words. Pray for the tone of your voice when you do talk to her. This is where your daily Bible reading is going to come into big play. If you have been reading and studying Gods word, you will be more equipped to give encouragement.

“Pleasant words are a honeycomb: sweet to the taste and health to the body.”  (Pro 16:24 HCSB)

Are you as the husband of your wife, speaking words to build something strong or are you tearing down? What are your words doing to your wife? When we stop and think about it, we are all guilty of tearing down each other at times. Negative emotions are built on words that tear down.  But this is a chance that we have to rebuild and rebuild better than before! You see guys, we have to make our words sweet to the taste and healthy to the body. If you like to take bitter tasting medicine or eat bitter tasting food, you would be what I would call unusual. Most of the world would rather have something sweet than something bitter.

Pitch In

Most of the time we have our ideas of what is needed by the man of the house. We think of outdoor chores, cleaning the garage, or working of the automobiles. But what about helping in the house. Helping with dishes, folding the clothes, sweeping the floors, taking a class and teaching it to the kids. As I have said in many talks to men, let your wife go a soak in the tub by herself while you handle any issues, problems, questions that may arise while she chills. This should not be a one time things, but make it a nightly event for her. These are all things that you can do to help your wife not feel so overwhelmed. I have found that when she and I go to a restaurant for dinner every now and then helps. That’s right guys, $0.50 lemon-pepper wings and sweet potato fries on a date night and I can watch the stress melt away in my woman! Yeah, I am blessed!

Guys, I can not guarantee that anything here will work for every woman. But it is a start. And the best place for you to start is on your knees and with a Bible in your hands.

Till next time…

I’m just a Husband of a Homeschooling Mom,

Steve Blackston

PS– I would really love to see you and your family at Teach Them Diligently 2019. Register now using discount code NOSHAVE10 to save $10 off that registration.  And be sure to check out the contest we’re running this month celebrating homeschool dads and their #TTDBeards! Get full details about how you could WIN a family registration here.

Register for the Homeschool Convention Today

Join Steve Blackston, the Husband of a Homeschooling Mom and Teach Them Diligently speaker, throughout the month of November as he shares articles and insights specifically geared towards encouraging homeschool dads based on questions he has received from dads at Teach Them Diligently events. And, join the #NoShaveNovember fun by posting pictures of #TTDBeards. We’ll highlight those pictures through the month on our Instagram and Facebook platforms. At the end of the month, five families who shared pictures will be chosen to win a family registration to Teach Them Diligently 2019! Let the fun begin as we all Celebrate the awesome TTD Homeschool Dads this month! I’ll let Steve give you the scoop– just watch the video below. :)

Be sure to check out the Teach Them Diligently Blog all month long to get some great tips for homeschool dads and get more details on this month’s celebrate dads #TTDBeards promotion.

So, show off those manly dad beards– whether they are real, drawn on, or simply imaginary– we cannot wait to see them. Be sure to tag them all #TTDBeards, so we can highlight them on our IG Story.

Click Here To Register Now! Use discount code NOSHAVE10 to save $10 off your registration for the rest of November. (If you’ve already registered when you win… we’ll be happy to refund that fee.)

Wondering what a Teach Them Diligently event is like? Download our free What to Expect Ebook today to get a better idea! The ebook for the site you’re most interested in can be found on your event’s home page. Got questions? Check out our FAQ page to get answers to a  lot of them! 

 

Be sure to check out the first article in the Celebrating Homeschool Dads series this No Shave November as Steve addresses “Helping the Wife.” Click here to read that now— Or, simply search type #TTDBeards in the search bar at the top of the page to see them all as they become available.

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Homeschooling Parents

About David and Leslie Nunnery

Leslie Nunnery and her husband David founded Teach Them Diligently, the nation’s premier source for gospel-centered homeschool events. With seven years of homeschooling experience from preschool-high school and a passion to encourage and equip homeschool families, this mom of 4 shares her know-how and insights weekly through Teach Them Diligently media and on TeachThemDiligently365.com.

Yes, I want more from this Homeschooling Community!

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