How Does a Scoffer Return?
Typically, a scoffer returns on their knees.
Let’s take a moment to identify the scoffer at the last stage of the progression mentioned in Psalm 1 (which I discussed more thoroughly in a previous article—linked here).
A scoffer at this stage proudly embraces the title. They sit in the seat of the scornful, mocking the things of God at every opportunity. It’s not a one-time event; it’s part of their identity. They are constantly skeptical and cynical, mocking God and diminishing His blessings, often recruiting others to join in.
Just like slaves to their bitterness, they close themselves off from God’s blessings, and when others celebrate those blessings, their response is often one of disgust.
They withdraw, fold their arms, and look for ways to escape the mention of God’s redemptive work. This escape may include habitually leaving during worship services, skipping youth meetings, or avoiding conversations about God altogether.
It’s not occasional behavior—it defines them, especially if they are over the age of 16. (I say this because it takes time to get to this level.)
Their mocking and scoffing are a form of self-imposed slavery, as they’ve become so entrenched in their bitterness they can’t see beyond it.
If your child has reached this point, they may be angry—especially in church. Anger alone doesn’t make someone a scoffer, but all scoffers seem to struggle with anger.
For a scoffer, the journey back to God is often painful. It’s similar to the story of Hagar and Ishmael in the wilderness. Hagar, convinced they were going to die, cried out to God in desperation. Only then did He open her eyes to a well of water (Gen. 21:19), changing her.
“Then God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water. And she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink.” (Gen. 21:19)
This is quite interesting because prior to this Hagar did not see the well. It was like she was blind. Her perception was dull. But, once she got desperate, God changed her perception.
Like Jesus healing the blind beggar, the change was in how she and Ishmael saw the world around them.
Now, if you believe a young person in your home has reached the third stage of the process, I am not encouraging you to cast them out with a skin of water and nothing else. That is obviously extreme.
However, I do think that it is appropriate to stop shielding your child from the full force of the urging of the Lord. If your daughter or son has reached this stage, you have probably seen it coming for a long time, maybe years.
During that time, you may have shielded your child from the urging from the Lord that would come through trials. I am not telling you that you are a bad parent. Quite the contrary!
Good parents want to care for their children and can’t stand for them to be in pain.
As parents, we need to understand that the life of a scoffer is not easy. It is quite hard! When God is reaching out to a person that is in the third stage of the process of becoming a scoffer, he brings them through some really hard times. They hit bottom. They cry. God often squeezes them and takes the things that they leaned on for joy and happiness.
They are humbled.
This is much different than when a person realizes they are a sinner before they repent and surrender to the Lord. A scoffer hits bottom. This is the prodigal son feeding pigs and realizing how stupid he has been. They come to the Lord muddy and ashamed. Scoffers usually return to the Lord on their knees and in desperation.
As parents, if we believe our child is a scoffer like this, we need to resolve to love them but not shield them from the full gravity of the Lord’s urging. Let God’s judgment bring them to their knees.
In the second or first stage, there might be another way. You might be able to rebuke them, or teach them, or change the friends they hang out with to redirect them. But once they reach the third stage, usually all you can do is pray for them, love them, and remove the umbrella that shields them from the full force of God’s loving chastening.
Don’t be angry with them. Don’t be rash. But, at the third stage, there may be no other way back.
Lastly, don’t forget the power of saying “I’m sorry.” Even if you’re in the right, apologizing for your reactions can help remove the justification for their anger. This simple act can diffuse the anger they cling to and open their hearts to reconciliation. I have talked about this in previous emails and blog posts (linked here.) This is important.
The reason is that in order to keep their anger alive they have to feed the fire in their minds by rehearsing their anger. They have to chew on their anger. Meditate on it!
When you say you are sorry for whatever they say might be the reason for their anger, you are taking that away from them. This is powerful!
Therefore, just to recap…
If you are dealing with a son or daughter that is characterized as a scoffer and reached the third stage of the process, do four things:
1) Say you’re sorry for the things they’re clinging to in anger.
2) Love them.
3) Pray for them.
4) Remove yourself as the shield of protection to the bad things that result from the things they do.
God loves your child even more than you can imagine. He wants the best for them, and He can be trusted to lovingly chasten them and bring them back to Him if they’re willing. Sometimes as parents, we must get out of the way and allow God to work.
RESOURCES TO HELP YOU HOMESCHOOL MISSIONALLY
- Are you creating a scoffer? This first installment in the series about parenting scoffers can be found here.
- The Antidote for Envy is a look at how anger, bitterness, and envy play a role in creating scoffers and serves as the second installment in this series.
- From Home to Heart: A Deep Dive Into Homeschooling With September McCarthy. Beyond the books and lessons, homeschooling is about nurturing hearts and minds. September McCarthy joined Leslie on the podcast as they explored the emotional and spiritual dimensions of this incredible journey. Learn how to create a loving learning environment, foster a growth mindset, and prepare your children for a lifetime of learning.
