“Dad, do you remember when…?”
That phrase that comes up at least once anytime we all get together.
I hear it often—and it has surprised me. No one told me about this when my kids were younger.
Often, when our adult kids get together with us, it feels like confession time. It’s like a bunch of convicts coming clean. They settle in, amused, ready to tell their stories.
They sing like a canary.
They tell me about the things they got away with when they were younger. The fights they had. The shows they watched. The music they listened to. Things they did when no one was watching.
The more surprised I am, the more pleased they are.
I’m blown away—and I’ve realized I wasn’t nearly as on top of things as I thought. Don’t get me wrong- our kids got caught. Leslie and I aren’t dummies. Some things we knew about, but strategically let the kids come to us.
We were tough.
Now, if I were a skeptic, I might wonder if I had failed or why I’m giving parenting advice at all—whether this is just “Do as I say, not as I do.”
But that’s not what’s happening here at all. What is going on here is a desire for my kids to come clean. They’re honest, and they want to deepen the relationship. That is what is happening and what confession really is.
Confession is an act that deepens the relationship by removing barriers.
That’s why it is so hard to keep things from those whom you love. You want to be near them. You want the relationship to grow, and any secrets become obstacles. Therefore, you push the secrets out like the boulders they are.
At least, that’s what you do with people you love.
What’s happening is that my kids feel safe—so they open up to deepen the relationship.
This is why confession shows up in the Scriptures.
Simply put, it is honesty with the God that you love. If you love God, you will confess.
Clear the air.
There’s one success that has become clear through these confession times—and it’s a big one.
You hear Leslie and me talk about it all the time.
You only get one chance to get this right.
It’s not homeschooling. (Although I do think homeschooling helped make it possible.)
This ONE thing covers all your mess-ups.
All the instances in which you didn’t handle something correctly.
Allowed something into your home that you shouldn’t have.
Lost your temper.
Punished the wrong child.
Walked out because you were frustrated.
This ONE thing makes you a better parent, spouse, and disciple-maker. Do you know what it is?
Relationship.
Leslie and I have become advocates of homeschooling, not because it is the best choice for education. Although I believe it is.
The secret sauce of homeschooling is relationship, not curriculum or education methods.
The secret sauce for discipleship is relationship, not charisma or teaching acumen.
The secret sauce of discipline is relationship, not the severity of the punishment.
And relationship is only built by presence.
You need time and connection. You must be together in meaningful ways.
Absence doesn’t breed fondness; it breeds distance.
As Christian homeschool parents, so many of us get caught up in the academic prowess of homeschoolers. We justify it with standardized tests, average grades, and enrollment in respected colleges and universities. We judge our homeschool by the same standards as other education choices.
Our justification for homeschooling looks like the billboards private schools put up listing their students’ achievements. The awards they won. The universities they attended.
And it is true. Academics are important. But your child won’t excel simply because the curriculum is amazing. Although a good curriculum does help.
Your children are going to excel because of the relationship you have with them.
Relationship is nurtured day after day through presence and attention — listening and hanging out.
Hugs, laughter, and experiences feed relationships.
If you have a strong relationship, there is nothing more motivating or painful than something coming between you and your child. If there is a barrier, you want it gone.
Your children yearn to be near you. Even if they never say it. They want to be close to you.
As a homeschool parent who is now enjoying grandchildren, I’ll tell you this: There is no way I would change anything.
Be prepared—confession time is coming… And, it’s actually a good thing! It shows you got that one thing right.