June is like halftime of the big game. It’s when high achievers look at the scoreboard of their year and decide whether they’re on track—or whether it’s time to double down. They set new goals, tweak old ones, and resolve to finish strong.
I have friends like this around me, especially in the entrepreneurial world. Their drive is to be commended. We all know people like this, and this habit of re-evaluation is a good one to emulate.
Many of you reading this started the year with a determination to make a change or get something done. Now that we are half-way through the calendar year with the school year behind us, many are doubling down on these commitments.
You may be telling yourself, “Okay, we are going to do this! The next 6-months are going to be different. This next school year will be different.”
But after 15 years of working with families with Teach Them Diligently, I’ve learned something crucial:
Commitment alone isn’t enough.
It’s not about wanting it more—it’s about building the right system to get you there.
You may have heard me mention this in the past.
A commitment is basically a goal with more emotional intensity attached to it.
Commitments come with a decision and determination. Goals are more logical and intellectual.
There is really no difference functionally between saying,
“I have a goal of bringing my children to Jesus Christ.”
“I am committed to bringing my children to Jesus Christ.”
,or
“I have a goal of losing 15 pounds this year.”
“I am committed to losing 15 pounds this year.”
There really is no difference except the commitment sounds like you are much more emotionally invested. And, if you are reading this email, I believe that you don’t need help with commitment or setting resolutions like this. Teach Them Diligently families are typically pretty good in this area.
However, it is not enough. Will and commitment will not get you to the place you want to be.
To borrow a quote from Atomic Habits,
“You fall to the level of your systems and habits; you do not rise to the level of your goals.”
The best goals are layered.
They have a foundation that supports them. What I am about to explain is borrowed from a book named, “Will It Make the Boat Go Faster” and re-imagined for families.
I have written a short e-book that describes these layers a little more. You can download it HERE.
Here are the layers:
- The Big Why
- Concrete
- Control
- Everyday
-The Big Why is a big, huge goal that gets you excited, and you have the emotional investment that backs up the why you want to do something.
The strength of this first layer is that it is big and is something that gets you excited. It might even stretch you and be a little intimidating.
All Christian parents should have one big goal. It should be some version of Bringing Your Children to Jesus Christ. However, your big why could be other things like,
“We will have a peaceful school year in which we feel good about the progress in our subjects and don’t end our days stressed and anxious.”
-The Concrete is measurable. It is breaking the big why into manageable, short-term pieces that can be measured and are visible. The strength of the big why is also it’s weakness. The big why is just that. It is BIG. It often takes a long time to achieve, and it might be hard to figure out when you have fulfilled your big why.
If you think about a big why of bringing your children to Christ, the truth is that you may never feel like you have fully accomplished this goal. I mean, our job as parents is truly never done.
Therefore, it’s important to take a big goal like this and break it into more short-term pieces that are measurable and observable. You might have several concrete goals supporting a single big why.
For example, your big why as a Christian parent is to bring your children to Christ.
Therefore, you might have concrete goals of:
- The siblings in our family have relationships marked by kindness and forgiveness.
- Our children sing in church.
- Our children have friends that also care for things of the Lord.
- They treasure their Bibles.
Again, these are things that are observable and measurable that are temperature checks for how you are doing in achieving your big why.
-The Control is the boundaries and standards you will put in place because of the big why and concrete goals. These are things that control your life and function that make the concrete and big why more achievable. These are things that you resolve to do or not to do because of the concrete goals and the big why.
Examples of these would be:
- You always make sure siblings say they are sorry and then “I forgive you” when there are offenses or hurts.
- You make sure that children worship with you in church on a regular basis.
- You wisely choose the families you spend time with as well as the friends your children spend extensive time with.
- You buy your children a Bible they actually like or come up with a way to earn their first Bible. Plus, make a big production about going to pick it out.
-The Everyday Goals are specific habits that you will put into place because of your big why, concrete, and control goals. Habits are built over time. You may need to elevate some things you do often and others you do inconsistently and commit to do both more often to make sure they become habits.
Here are some examples:
- You practice gratitude daily by asking your children what they are thankful for that another sibling or their parents did for them, and you model public gratitude as well.
- You have devotions personally in a place that all the children can see.
- You ask the children what they learned in their quiet time.
- You become part of a church and make a point to attend whenever the doors are open.
- You are hospitable and invite other families over.
- You make sure your children know that you give to a church on a regular basis, modeling biblical giving and generosity.
With these four layers, you are building out a system around the goals and commitments you have.
Let’s face it! If you want things to change, you need a new system.
You’ve built up all kinds of scaffolding and support for the way you do things now, so the routines you have now are supported by the way you’ve been ordering your life.
That’s why commitment alone won’t work.
You must build another support system to make the changes and achievements you hope for. You need a replacement.
If you want help building the right systems for your family goals, Leslie and I would love to help. Don’t just commit—build something better. We’ll walk with you.
Commitment is not enough.
Here is a link to download the Goals E-Book Again.
