It must have been hard on Ishmael. He came into this world because of a horrible decision by Sarai and Abram, but he didn’t deserve the treatment he and his mom, Hagar, received.
As an illustration of just how hard it was, Hagar once fled because of the way she was treated by Sarah. To Hagar’s credit, she returned because she was urged by the Lord God.
Then you have Abraham who made bold decisions throughout his story, but when it came to Hagar and Ishmael, he shrunk in the shadow of his wife’s hostility. Abraham seemed weak when it came to Hagar. No doubt because of some level of guilt.
Everything came to a head at the celebration of the weaning of Isaac. The best scholarship places Isaac’s age at about 3 years old which would have put Ishmael’s age at about 16 years old. I do think Ishmael’s age was significant to this story because the early teen years are usually when these issues become serious.
At this celebration, Sarah finally demands that Hagar and Ishmael be. cast out. On the surface, this demand seems petty. And truly Sarah does not come off particularly well in this scene since she created much of the problem, but when you look closely, you will find that Ishmael was doing something serious.
Usually, we under-appreciate the severity of what Ishmael was doing at the party, but it is what the serpent did in the Garden. (Gen. 3:9) It was the same thing the people were guilty of in Noah’s day, just before the Flood. It is what the Israelites did in response to the prophets sent by God just before the captivity. (2 Chron. 36:16.) It is what the people did surrounding Jesus on the Cross. (Mt. 27: 39-41) And it is what the world will be filled with in the Last Days before Jesus returns and the final judgment (2 Pet. 3:3.)
It seems from Biblical precedent that this thing that Ishmael does is associated with the condemned. It’s the last stage just before God gives you over to the full weight of judgement for your evil. It’s the end of the progression of the effect of bitterness on your heart.
What was it?
He was mocking the blessing of God. He was a scoffer, and this was a very serious thing.
People become mockers and scoffers progressively over time when they feast on bitterness and anger. In Ephesians 5, Paul talks about not provoking children to wrath, and this is the danger that passage is targeting.
People are not born scoffers, but they have a tendency. We all have the making of future scoffers but becoming one is the end of a process.
To go from bitterness and anger to becoming a scoffer is a path in which we need a guide or help to walk down. We do not go down this road alone.
Psalm 1:1 charts the course of a scoffer.
- Walking in the counsel of the wicked
- Standing in the way of sinners
- Sitting in the seat of scoffers.
Psalm 1 describes a progression toward becoming a scoffer. It starts with a germ of anger or bitterness inside of a person that finds a companion in someone that is wicked.
At first the connection is casual. A wicked person walks by and says something or notices something. An acquaintance is formed and is followed, like the subject of the Psalm is walking down the street with a person characterized by wickedness.
Once a connection is made, there is a sharing of bitterness. Bitterness coupled with the input of a wicked person creates a chemical reaction that causes the bitterness to foam over.
Keep in mind that if the bitterness or hurt was shared with a wise person who loves the Lord, it will dissipate, but by sharing it with a wicked person, the bitterness is poked and prodded until it escalates. There is a connection and sharing between two people that results in growth. So, when there is bitterness present in the heart of your young person, pay special attention to who they spend time with.
The next step is more comfort. The person is now hanging out with sinners the way you see young people spend time together at the movies or mall. At this point, their identity starts to transform, and they become like the sinners they hang out with. It takes time, but the more a person with bitterness spends time seeking out “sinners” and spending time with them, the more like them they become.
Next, the bitterness takes hold completely. The comfort level is complete, and they start to call the sinners and scoffers their people. They sit with the scoffers. They take on the identity of a scoffer. They “sit” in their seat.
Once this happens, the pathway back is hard. It is filled with pain and humility. No one gets back without fully appreciating how very evil they have been, and that process is humbling and painful. Scoffers return to the Lord sometimes, but it is always on their knees.
As parents, we are very capable of providing the seed for becoming a scoffer. That seed is anger and bitterness, and we can understand this through the story of Ishmael.
Imagine the life of Ishmael. How was he treated in the home of Abraham and Sarah?
He was:
- Diminished constantly, especially around Isaac
- Treated as 2nd rate, or as a slave.
- Cast-off
- Never getting full attention
- Always looked past
- Always a bother
- Faced with a father who never protected him
- Something or someone was always more important
We also cannot forget that Ishmael dealt with a lifetime of this treatment until it finally exploded when he was likely around 16 years old in the presence of the main person who always got the attention rather than him.
The conclusion is that as parents we can learn through the story of Ishmael that we are very capable of creating scoffers in our own homes by making our children or one of our children feel like they are 2nd rate compared to someone or something else.
If our children feel like they are competing with some initiative, ministry, another sibling, a hobby, your entertainment, a cellphone, housework, a job, money, or anything else, it likely will create a seed of anger and bitterness in them that will well up into mocking and scoffing with the wrong encouragement.
Children need attention and love, or they will grow up to be scoffers. They don’t do well with competition for your attention. Or, at least the wrong competition for their attention.
Therefore, the lesson I have for you because we all know that you cannot always be present and always give your children equal attention in every situation, perfectly, 100% of the time, is to take extra care to make sure they know that they do not have any real competition. Any competition is “circumstantial”.
I think you know what I mean by “circumstantial competition”, but just to be clear, this is not substantial or real completion. Things that are in the moment. Things that in a particular moment could pull you away, but that you make clear are not more important in your life. Generally, your child will always get attention and love from you, and if you are ever forced into a choice, they will always win (unless the other choice is a sibling, spouse, or God).
Anything short of this and you risk creating a scoffer!
This is one reason we are such advocates of homeschooling. One way children quantify love is through attention. You must be with them to give them attention.
Homeschooling is not a checkbox. Just because you homeschool does not mean you will be perfectly present with your children. You could still mess this up. It takes intentionality to do this well. However, I do believe your best opportunity to give your children the attention and love they desire is to homeschool.
There is one other thing that is like fertilizer to bitterness in creating a scoffer. Next week, we will discuss envy and its role in this process, so be looking for that next Sunday evening.
Guess What! We just launched our Individual Tickets. I know that many of you have been pretty anxious about us releasing these tickets, and with good reason, we usually launch them January 1st. Sorry for the delay! To make it up to you, we are launching them with a $20 off sale. This week, they are $70 each. And, just so you understand, these tickets are for people that are coming by themselves. You can not get your children, or spouse, or grandparents, or a babysitter in on this ticket. These are for those that plan to come on their own. Click here to find the event near you and register!
RESOURCES TO HELP YOU HOMESCHOOL MISSIONALLY
- Finding Freedom, Not Friction: Strategies for a Sustainable and Joyful Homeschool Journey. Amy Roberts joined Leslie for a great conversation that included a lot of ways you can provoke your children to wrath if you’re not careful and even lead them down a road that could hamper their growth in faith. This is a must listen episode of the Teach Them Diligently Podcast.
- The #1 Reason A Curriculum Fails and Why You Should Change How You Select Yours. Find out in this article and be sure to join us at Teach Them Diligently 2025 to look at hundreds of curriculum resources in person.
- Making Life Easier for your Babysitter. This article will be particularly helpful if your babysitter is an older sibling, but the principles will be beneficial no matter who your babysitter is.